click to go back to the main website
click here to go to the beginning of the news site so you arent missing anything
THE LONG AWAITED FOR BIGGG NEWS THEME IS FINALLY HERE!!! I SPENT SO LONG TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO ADD MP3 FILES BUT ITS FINALLY HERE EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!! HOORAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!
my homeboy Joe Monkey made this for the BIG news, and we are eternally grateful for him. thats why we will have a permanent shrine to his likeness in this news article, thank you Joe Monkey, your fucking awesome
JOYOUS DAY!!!!!! we've got his article right here, we dont know if its good or not but we're gonna share it with you right now!
Oh my god thiz programming iz zo ztupid. i am zo big and ztrong and the teacher makez uz feel weak and zhort. repeating zo many thingz in this clazz iz zo foolish. anyway my new wife iz oh zo hot. my dad juzt beat up 5 old men and W.O.M.E.N with his pinky toe. i dont think the bozz likez me becauze of my zpeech impediment. he iz alzo pretty rude to the other guy becauze he haz nothing to report. well good thing im here to help him becauze IM HANCHO MANCHO!!! -Hancho Mancho
we're not quite sure what the fuck the first part means, and he speaks a lot like an alien, but its news none the less! EVERYONE GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO THE NEW HIRE!!!!!!!!
bro nothing is happening today what the actual freak sauce!!!!! go fuckin rob a bank or something please i need something to report on because my boss doesnt pay me enough to get by i need things to report please
"we've had to literally hire people to commit crimes just to make news about it, we're just so desperate here" said other news reporter, "the hostage situation that happened last saturday was literally a inside job, though we didnt account for him actually killing one of the hostages. but that only got us more clicks so who really cares right?"
"it doesnt really help that we havent gotten any new hires, no ones been reaching out to us to make new articles" said The Boss, who acts like he cares for us but really doesnt, we hate him.
WHATS GOOD MY GANGSTERS!!! i finished working on the thing, i still want to like make it better but yk for the most part its done, i just need to add new fish everyday
heres the awesome link to the awesome website!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!anyways yeah i think its cool for right now tho, ill be adding a lot more soon
we're cooking up sum reallll big, you are NOT ready for it. thats right its a whole new section of the website and it will be updated (almost) every day! i might miss sum days but i shouldnt since ill also be trying to update the BIGGGG NEWWSSS every day!!!!
yall are gonna love this guys trust me
PLEASE FORGIVE ME BIG NEWS FANS PLEASSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I DIDNT MEAN TO LEAVE FOR SO LONG ILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVERRRR DO IT AGAIN!!!!!
"i didnt mean to guys.... i just didnt really feel like writing more news at that moment.... ill never do it again.............." said splunk, hes very sorry about the situation so maybe you should forgive him!!!
bystanders however, had very mixed opinions about it. "dude where the actual hell did that one news station go, i had high hopes for it! either they got lazy or they were taken off the air.... feeling really bad about it though" said mason farr. others had different views though... "WHERE IS MY BIG NEWS 65!!!! THE FBI MUST OF STOLEN THEM, OR MAYBE THE ALIENS ABDUCTED THEIR STATION!!!!!! OR MAYBE, THEY RAN OFF WITH THE MONEY AND BOUGHT CRACK!!!! IM SO MAD RIGHT NOW AGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" said evan quilici, he will be overjoyed to find it coming back!
sorry though guys, BIG NEWS IS BACK THOUGH!!!! HOORAYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
we need the professional people to make the professional posts on the professional pstation!!!!! if you think you've got what it takes to write BIGGG NEWWSSSS please consider signing up because you could be the next BIGGGG journalist!
THATS RIGHT BIG NEWS FANS, WE'RE FINALLY GETTING A NAME FOR OURSELVES SO WE GOTTA LOOK GOOD AND PROFESSIONAL FOR THE NEWCOMERS! you may also see that the background has changed, also apart of the rebrand to differentiate ourselves from the main splunk website, and after this the website will only get better to make your viewing experience truly unmatched. THANK YOU ALL 10 OR MORE MAYBE BIG NEWS FANS ITS BEEN A PLEASURE TO INFORM YOU FOR NOW AND THE YEARS TO COME!!!!! okay is the read over you can stop recording now paul
yall want sum cuz this is really good
the pan used to make this delicious mac and cheese had something to say on the subject however: "dude i fucking hate this guy he always uses me for making mac and cheese its actually ridiculous like when does it fucking end? he should make a better dish with me, like i dont know make a fucking steak or like seaweed soup or even hot pockets bro"
"dude this guy has horrible taste, who the fuck makes seaweed soup" said splunk, who is writing this!!!! hi guys its me splunk!!!!! anyways "i make mac and cheese because im good at it and i think it tastes good, he has no reason to fault me for it! like seriously man some people have no consideration for others"
im gonna.... JAKE....
"idk why everyone is saying they're gonna jake, like what does that even mean?" said jake himself "im fine with but like can someone explain it to me?"
image of jake confused on the topic
guy in my class said the n word and was BANNED from our friend groups website!!! it was very racist and very scary. i still cant believe he did it, very saddening
"yeah so like i dont really fw those words, especially when said on my website so i kind of had to ban him" said iinobrobo this afternoon, addressing the situation, "it was the right thing to do, i couldnt just have him running wild saying those things!"
my tummy hurted and i frew up no news today :(
HIT FRIEND MAKES AWESOME NEW NEWS THEME WHICH I WOULD IMPLEMENT INTO THE WEBSITE IF I KNEW HOW!!!!! we'll get back to you with even more news when the hit theme finally decides to work
a crazy turn of events happens when choppy and ena suddenly become friends??? this change of heart towards eachother shocks nations around the world!
"you know, i just thought that they didnt need to be enemies, because whats the point right? everyone feels hurt in the end, so why not just be friends?" said iinobrobo this morning, the one who originally tried to bring them together and succeeded!
he said it himself, he loves the bigggg buttsacks, he entered the convo when we started talking about them so this must be true.
i was just born, this is kind of awesome man im in a hospital room rn and my mom is sleeping, check out this awesome binky she gave me
dude this guy ate school food bruh hes probably gonna contract diseases such as ianosis, goonerhea, and buttered popcorn
dude hes actually insane with it, idk how he does it but he just keeps landing it
this mf next to me is freaking annoying my bestie aven, we're gonna tie him to a wall and feed him saurkraut until hes 26 and a half years old
check it out man im in the news like station, tune in every day for new daily events on whats happening around me
